i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
