about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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