It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
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He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
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I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.