as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
