In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
