I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
