I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
