More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
