I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Less talking, more tequila
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
