Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
