turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
