also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
