soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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