I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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