My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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