a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
