There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
