some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
