I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
