I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
