before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
