You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize