I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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