I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
