everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
