that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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