I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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