I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
