you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
