Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
