just tell him i said nine months
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
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I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk