I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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