Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
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The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
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I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.