I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
