My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
