I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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