Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
