I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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