is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
