Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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