I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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