im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
