were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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