I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
