If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
