I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
