Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
