I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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