remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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