Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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