Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
