My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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