I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
