grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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