Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
