Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
