Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
