That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
