how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
