Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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