I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
