Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
