There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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