just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
