You smell like a Billy Joel song
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
