Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
