So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
